THE COMEDY OF ERRORS
By William Shakespeare
Dramatis Personae.
Solinus, DUKE of Ephesus.
EGEON, a merchant of Syracuse.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, }
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, } twin brothers, and sons to Egeon and
Emilia, but unknown to each other.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS, }
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, } twin brothers, and attendants on the
Antipholus twins; also unknown to each other.
BALTHASAR, a merchant.
ANGELO, a goldsmith.
1st MERCHANT, friend to Antipholus of Syracuse.
2nd MERCHANT, shortly to set sail, and to whom Angelo is debtor.
Doctor PINCH, a schoolmaster and conjurer.
EMILIA, lost wife to Egeon; an abbess at Ephesus.
ADRIANA, wife to Antipholus of Ephesus.
LUCIANA, her sister.
LUCE, her servant, also called Nell.
A COURTESAN.
A GAOLER.
A MESSENGER.
An OFFICER.
Assistants to the Officer.
A Headsman.
Attendants to the Duke.
Scene: Ephesus. An open mart with three houses:
`The Porpentine', the home of the Courtesan;
`The Phoenix', the home of Antipholus of Ephesus;
and `The Priory', where Emilia is abbess.
+++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++
ACT 1. Scene 1.
Enter the DUKE of Ephesus, with EGEON the merchant of Syracuse, GAOLER, and
other ATTENDANTS.
Egeon Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall,
And by the doom of death end woes and all.
Duke Merchant of Syracusa, plead no more;
I am not partial to infringe our laws.
The enmity and discord which of late
Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke
To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,
Who, wanting guilders to redeem their lives,
Have sealed his rigorous statutes with their bloods,
Excludes all pity from our threat'ning looks;
For, since the mortal and intestine jars
'Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,
It hath in solemn synods been decreed,
Both by the Syracusians and ourselves,
To admit no traffic to our adverse towns.
Nay, more: if any born at Ephesus
Be seen at Syracusian marts and fairs;
Again, if any Syracusian born
Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies,
His goods confiscate to the duke's dispose,
Unless a thousand marks be levied
To quit the penalty and to ransom him.
Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,
Cannot amount unto a hundred marks;
Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.
Egeon Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,
My woes end likewise with the evening sun.
Duke Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause
Why thou departed'st from thy native home,
And for what cause thou cam'st to Ephesus.
Egeon A heavier task could not have been imposed
Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable.
Yet, that the world may witness that my end
Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,
I'll utter what my sorrow gives me leave.
In Syracusa was I born, and wed
Unto a woman happy but for me,
And by me, had not our hap been bad.
With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased
By prosperous voyages I often made
To Epidamnum, till my factor's death,
And the great care of goods at random left,
Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse,
From whom my absence was not six months old
Before herself, almost at fainting under
The pleasing punishment that women bear,
Had made provision for her following me,
And soon and safe arrived where I was.
There she had not been long but she became
A joyful mother of two goodly sons;
And, which was strange, the one so like the other
As could not be distinguished but by names.
That very hour, and in the selfsame inn,
A mean woman was delivered
Of such a burden male, twins both alike.
Those, for their parents were exceeding poor,
I bought, and brought up to attend my sons.
My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,
Made daily motions for our home return.
Unwilling, I agreed. Alas, too soon
We came aboard.
A league from Epidamnum had we sailed
Before the always-wind-obeying deep
Gave any tragic instance of our harm.
But longer did we not retain much hope,
For what obscured light the heavens did grant
Did but convey unto our fearful minds
A doubtful warrant of immediate death,
Which though myself would gladly have embraced,
Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,
Weeping before for what she saw must come,
And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,
That mourned for fashion, ignorant what to fear,
Forced me me to seek delays for them and me.
And this it was -for other means was none -
The sailors sought for safety by our boat,
And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us.
My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
Had fastened him unto a small spare mast
Such as seafaring men provide for storms;
To him one of the other twins was bound,
Whilst I had been like heedful of the other.
The children thus disposed, my wife and I,
Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixed,
Fastened ourselves at either end the mast,
And floating straight, obedient to the stream,
Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.
At length the sun, gazing upon the earth,
Dispersed those vapours that offended us,
And by the benefit of his wished light
The seas waxed calm, and we discovered
Two ships from far making amain to us:
Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this;
But ere they came -O, let me say no more!
Gather the sequel by that went before.
Duke Nay, forward, old man, do not break off so;
For we may pity though not pardon thee.
Egeon O, had the gods done so, I had not now
Worthily termed them merciless to us!
For ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues
We were encountered by a mighty rock,
Which being violently borne upon,
Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;
So that in this unjust divorce of us
Fortune had left to both of us alike
What to delight in, what to sorrow for.
Her part, poor soul, seeming as burdened
With lesser weight but not with lesser woe,
Was carried with more speed before the wind,
And in our sight they three were taken up
By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.
At length another ship had seized on us,
And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,
Gave healthful welcome to their shipwracked guests,
And would have reft the fishers of their prey
Had not their bark been very slow of sail;
And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
Thus have you heard me severed from my bliss,
That by misfortunes was my life prolonged
To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.
Duke And for the sake of them thou sorrow'st for,
Do me the favour to dilate at full
What hath befallen of them and thee till now.
Egeon My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care,
At eighteen years became inquisitive
After his brother, and importuned me
That his attendant -so his case was like,
Reft of his brother, but retained his name -
Might bear him company in the quest of him;
Whom whilst I laboured of a love to see,
I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.
Five summers have I spent in furthest Greece,
Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,
And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus,
Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought
Or that of any place that harbours men.
But here must end the story of my life,
And happy were I in my timely death
Could all my travels warrant me they live.
Duke Hapless Egeon, whom the fates have marked
To bear the extremity of dire mishap!
Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,
Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,
Which princes, would they, may not disannul,
My soul should sue as advocate for thee;
But though thou art adjudged to the death,
And passed sentence may not be recalled
But to our honour's great disparagement,
Yet will I favour thee in what I can.
Therefore, merchant, I'll limit thee this day
To seek thy health by beneficial help.
Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,
And live. If no, then thou art doomed to die.
Gaoler, take him to thy custody.
Gaoler I will, my lord.
Egeon Hopeless and helpless doth Egeon wend,
But to procrastinate his lifeless end.
[Exeunt.
+ + + + + +
Scene 2.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, 1st MERCHANT, and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
1st Merchant Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum,
Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
This very day a Syracusian merchant
Is apprehended for arrival here,
And, not being able to buy out his life,
According to the statute of the town
Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
There is your money that I had to keep.
Antipholus
of Syracuse [To DROMIO.] Go, bear it to the Centaur, where we host,
And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
Within this hour it will be dinner-time;
Till that I'll view the manners of the town,
Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
And then return and sleep within mine inn;
For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
Get thee away.
Dromio
of Syracuse Many a man would take you at your word,
And go indeed, having so good a mean.
[Exit.
Antipholus
of Syracuse A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,
When I am dull with care and melancholy,
Lightens my humour with his merry jests.
What, will you walk with me about the town,
And then go to my inn and dine with me?
1st Merchant I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,
Of whom I hope to make much benefit;
I crave your pardon. Soon at five o'clock,
Please you, I'll meet with you upon the mart,
And afterward consort you till bedtime.
My present business calls me from you now.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Farewell till then. I will go lose myself,
And wander up and down to view the city.
1st Merchant Sir, I commend you to your own content.
[Exit.
Antipholus
of Syracuse He that commends me to mine own content
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
I to the world am like a drop of water
That in the ocean seeks another drop,
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself.
So I, to find a mother and a brother,
In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Here comes the almanac of my true date.
What now? How chance thou art returned so soon?
Dromio
of Ephesus Returned so soon? -rather approached too late:
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit;
The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell -
My mistress made it one upon my cheek.
She is so hot because the meat is cold;
The meat is cold because you come not home;
You come not home because you have no stomach;
You have no stomach, having broke your fast;
But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray
Are penitent for your default today.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray:
Where have you left the money that I gave you?
Dromio
of Ephesus O, sixpence that I had o' Wednesday last
To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper.
The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
Antipholus
of Syracuse I am not in a sportive humour now;
Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?
We being strangers here, how dar'st thou trust
So great a charge from thine own custody?
Dromio
of Ephesus I pray you jest, sir, as you sit at dinner.
I from my mistress come to you in post;
If I return I shall be post indeed,
For she will scour your fault upon my pate.
Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,
And strike you home without a messenger.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;
Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.
Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
Dromio
of Ephesus To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
Dromio
of Ephesus My charge was but to fetch you from the mart
Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner.
My mistress and her sister stays for you.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Now, as I am a Christian, answer me
In what safe place you have bestowed my money,
Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
That stands on tricks when I am undisposed.
Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
Dromio
of Ephesus I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,
But not a thousand marks between you both.
If I should pay your worship those again,
Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Thy mistress' marks? What mistress, slave, hast thou?
Dromio
of Ephesus Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,
And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.
[Beats DROMIO.
Dromio
of Ephesus What mean you, sir? For God's sake hold your hands!
Nay, an you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.
[Exit.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Upon my life, by some device or other
The villain is o'erraught of all my money.
They say this town is full of cozenage,
As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
And many suchlike liberties of sin.
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
I'll to the Centaur to go seek this slave;
I greatly fear my money is not safe.
[Exit.
+++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++
ACT 2. Scene 1. Before `The Phoenix'
Enter ADRIANA, wife to Antipholus of Ephesus, with LUCIANA, her sister.
Adriana Neither my husband nor the slave returned,
That in such haste I sent to seek his master?
Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.
Luciana Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine, and never fret;
A man is master of his liberty.
Time is their master, and when they see time
They'll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.
Adriana Why should their liberty than ours be more?
Luciana Because their business still lies out o'door.
Adriana Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
Luciana O, know he is the bridle of your will.
Adriana There's none but asses will be bridled so.
Luciana Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.
There's nothing situate under heaven's eye
But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.
The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls
Are their males' subjects, and at their controls.
Man, more divine, the master of all these,
Lord of the wide world and wild wat'ry seas,
Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls,
Are masters to their females, and their lords.
Then let your will attend on their accords.
Adriana This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
Luciana Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.
Adriana But were you wedded you would bear some sway.
Luciana Ere I learn love I'll practise to obey.
Adriana How if your husband start some otherwhere?
Luciana Till he come home again I would forbear.
Adriana Patience unmoved! -No marvel though she pause;
They can be meek that have no other cause.
A wretched soul bruised with adversity
We bid be quiet, when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience would relieve me.
But if thou live to see like right bereft,
This fool-begged patience in thee will be left.
Luciana Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.
Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Adriana Say, is your tardy master now at hand?
Dromio
of Ephesus Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.
Adriana Say, didst thou speak with him? Know'st thou his mind?
Dromio
of Ephesus Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear.
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
Luciana Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel his meaning?
Dromio
of Ephesus Nay, he struck so plainly I could too well feel his blows, and
withal so doubtfully that I could scarce understand them.
Adriana But say, I prithee, is he coming home?
It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
Dromio
of Ephesus Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
Adriana Horn-mad, thou villain?
Dromio
of Ephesus I mean not cuckold-mad;
But sure he is stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to dinner
He asked me for a thousand marks in gold.
"'Tis dinner-time" quoth I, "My gold" quoth he.
"Your meat will burn" quoth I, "My gold" quoth he.
"Will you come?" quoth I, "My gold," quoth he
"Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?"
"The pig" quoth I "is burned", "My gold" quoth he.
"My mistress, sir, " quoth I, "Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress! Out on thy mistress!"
Luciana Quoth who?
Dromio
of Ephesus Quoth my master;
"I know" quoth he "no house, no wife, no mistress";
So that my errand due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
Adriana Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
Dromio
of Ephesus Go back again and be new beaten home?
For God's sake, send some other messenger.
Adriana Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
Dromio
of Ephesus And he will bless that cross with other beating:
Between you I shall have a holy head.
Adriana Hence, prating peasant, fetch thy master home.
[Beats DROMIO.
Dromio
of Ephesus Am I so round with you as you with me,
That, like a football, you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither;
If I last in this service you must case me in leather.
[Exit.
Luciana Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!
Adriana His company must do his minions grace
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Hath homely age th' alluring beauty took
From my poor cheek? -Then he hath wasted it.
Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That's not my fault -he's master of my state.
What ruins are in me that can be found
By him not ruined? Then is he the ground
Of my defeatures. My decayed fair
A sunny look of his would soon repair.
But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.
Luciana Self-harming jealousy! Fie, beat it hence!
Adriana Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
Or else what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
Would that alone a-love he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.
I see the jewel best enamelled
Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still
That others touch; and often touching will
Wear gold, and no man that hath a name
By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.
Luciana How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
[Exeunt.
+ + + + + +
Scene 2.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
Antipholus
of Syracuse The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave
Is wandered forth in care to seek me out.
By computation and mine host's report,
I could not speak with Dromio since at first
I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
How now, sir; is your merry humour altered?
As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
You know no Centaur? You received no gold?
Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad
That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
Dromio
of Syracuse What answer, sir? When spake I such a word?
Antipholus
of Syracuse Even now, even here, not half an hour since.
Dromio
of Syracuse I did not see you since you sent me hence,
Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt,
And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner,
For which I hope thou felt'st I was displeased.
Dromio
of Syracuse I am glad to see you in this merry vein.
What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.
[Beats DROMIO.
Dromio
of Syracuse Hold, sir, for God's sake! Now your jest is earnest.
Upon what bargain do you give it me?
Antipholus
of Syracuse Because that I familiarly sometimes
Do use you for my fool, and chat with you,
Your sauciness will jest upon my love,
And make a common of my serious hours.
When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanour to my looks;
Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
Dromio
of Syracuse `Sconce' call you it? So you would leave battering I had rather
have it a head. An you use these blows long I must get a sconce for my head,
and insconce it too, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray,
sir, why am I beaten?
Antipholus
of Syracuse Dost thou not know?
Dromio
of Syracuse Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Shall I tell you why?
Dromio
of Syracuse Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say, every why hath a wherefore.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Why first: for flouting me; and then wherefore:
For urging it the second time to me.
Dromio
of Syracuse Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme nor reason?
Well, sir, I thank you.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Thank me, sir, for what?
Dromio
of Syracuse Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
Antipholus
of Syracuse I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something.
But say, sir, is it dinner-time?
Dromio
of Syracuse No, sir, I think the meat wants that I have.
Antipholus
of Syracuse In good time, sir, what's that?
Dromio
of Syracuse Basting.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Well, sir, then 'twill be dry.
Dromio
of Syracuse If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Your reason?
Dromio
of Syracuse Lest it make you choleric, and purchase me another dry basting.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Well, sir, learn to jest in good time. There's a time for all
things.
Dromio
of Syracuse I durst have denied that before you were so choleric.
Antipholus
of Syracuse By what rule, sir?
Dromio
of Syracuse Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of Father
Time himself.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Let's hear it.
Dromio
of Syracuse There's no time for a man to recover his hair that grows bald
by nature.
Antipholus
of Syracuse May he not do it by fine and recovery?
Dromio
of Syracuse Yes, to pay a fine for periwig, and recover lost hair of
another man.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so
plentiful an excrement?
Dromio
of Syracuse Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts, and what he
hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.
Dromio
of Syracuse Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
Dromio
of Syracuse The plainer dealer, the sooner lost; yet he loseth it in a kind
of jollity.
Antipholus
of Syracuse For what reason?
Dromio
of Syracuse For two, and sound ones too.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Nay, not sound, I pray you.
Dromio
of Syracuse Sure ones, then.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Nay, not sure in a thing falsing.
Dromio
of Syracuse Certain ones, then.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Name them.
Dromio
of Syracuse The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other,
that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.
Antipholus
of Syracuse You would all this time have proved there is no time for all
things.
Dromio
of Syracuse Marry, and did, sir: namely, e'en no time to recover hair lost
by nature.
Antipholus
of Syracuse But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to
recover.
Dromio
of Syracuse Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore to the
world's end will have bald followers.
Antipholus
of Syracuse I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion; but soft, who wafts us
yonder?
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
Adriana Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown.
Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects:
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow
That never words were music to thine ear,
That never object pleasing in thine eye,
That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
That never meat sweet-savoured in thy taste,
Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to thee.
How comes it now, my husband, O how comes it,
That thou art then estranged from thyself?
Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
That, undividable, incorporate,
Am better than thy dear self's better part.
Ah, do not tear away thyself from me;
For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
And take unmingled thence that drop again
Without addition or diminishing,
As take from me thyself, and not me too.
How dearly would it touch thee to the quick
Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious,
And that this body, consecrate to thee,
By ruffian lust should be contaminate?
Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,
And hurl the name of husband in my face,
And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow,
And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?
I know thou canst; and therefore see thou do it!
I am possessed with an adulterate blot;
My blood is mingled with the crime of lust;
For if we two be one, and thou play false,
I do digest the poison of thy flesh,
Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed,
I live unstained, thou undishonoured.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Plead you to me fair dame? I know you not.
In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
As strange unto your town as to your talk,
Who, every word by all my wit being scanned,
Wants wit in all one word to understand.
Luciana Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you!
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
Antipholus
of Syracuse By Dromio?
Dromio
of Syracuse By me?
Adriana By thee, and this thou didst return from him:
That he did buffet thee, and in his blows
Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?
What is the course and drift of your compact?
Dromio
of Syracuse I, sir? I never saw her till this time.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Villain, thou liest; for even her very words
Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
Dromio
of Syracuse I never spake with her in all my life.
Antipholus
of Syracuse How can she thus then call us by our names,
Unless it be by inspiration?
Adriana How ill agrees it with your gravity
To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
Abetting him to thwart me in my mood.
Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,
But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine;
Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
Whose weakness married to thy stronger state,
Makes me with thy strength to communicate.
If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
Usurping ivy, briar, or idle moss,
Who all for want of pruning, with intrusion,
Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion.
Antipholus
of Syracuse [Aside.] To me she speaks, she moves me for her theme.
What, was I married to her in my dream?
Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this?
What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?
Until I know this sure uncertainty,
I'll entertain the offered fallacy,
Luciana Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
Dromio
of Syracuse [Aside.] O for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
This is the fairy land. O spite of spites,
We talk with goblins, owls and sprites.
If we obey them not, this will ensue:
They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.
Luciana Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answer'st not?
Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!
Dromio
of Syracuse I am transformed, master, am I not?
Antipholus
of Syracuse I think thou art in mind, and so am I.
Dromio
of Syracuse Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Thou hast thine own form.
Dromio
of Syracuse No, I am an ape.
Luciana If thou art changed to aught, 'tis to an ass.
Dromio
of Syracuse 'Tis true, she rides me, and I long for grass.
'Tis so I am an ass, else it could never be
But I should know her as well as she knows me.
Adriana Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye and weep
Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn.
Come, sir, to dinner; Dromio, keep the gate.
Husband, I'll dine above with you today,
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master
Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.
Come, sister. Dromio, play the porter well.
Antipholus
of Syracuse [Aside.] Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Sleeping or waking, mad, or well advised?
Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
I'll say as they say, and persever so,
And in this mist at all adventures go.
Dromio
of Syracuse Master, shall I be porter at the gate?
Adriana Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
Luciana Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
[Exeunt.
+++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++
ACT 3. Scene 1. Before `The Phoenix'
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, his man DROMIO, ANGELO the goldsmith, and
BALTHASAR the merchant.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Good signor Angelo, you must excuse us all;
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.
Say that I lingered with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that tomorrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Thou drunkard, thou! -What didst thou mean by this?
Dromio
of Ephesus Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know.
That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show;
If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I think thou art an ass.
Dromio
of Ephesus Marry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
I should kick, being kicked, and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
Antipholus
of Ephesus You're sad, signor Balthasar. Pray God our cheer
May answer my good will, and your good welcome here.
Balthasar I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
Antipholus
of Ephesus O, signor Balthasar, either at flesh or fish
A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
Balthasar Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
Antipholus
of Ephesus And welcome more common, for that's nothing but words.
Balthasar Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest.
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But soft, my door is locked. Go bid them let us in.
Dromio
of Ephesus Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, within.
Dromio
of Syracuse Mome, malthorse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch,
Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch.
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store,
When one is too many? Go, get thee from the door.
Dromio
of Ephesus What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
Dromio
of Syracuse Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Who talks within there? Ho! Open the door!
Dromio
of Syracuse Right, sir, I'll tell you when an you'll tell me wherefore.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Wherefore? For my dinner; I have not dined today.
Dromio
of Syracuse Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.
Antipholus
of Ephesus What art thou that keep'st me out from the house I owe?
Dromio
of Syracuse The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
Dromio
of Ephesus O, villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name:
The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
Thou wouldst have changed thy face for an aim, or thy name for an ass.
Enter LUCE within.
Luce What coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the gate?
Dromio
of Ephesus Let my master in, Luce.
Luce Faith, no, he comes too late;
And so tell your master.
Dromio
of Ephesus O lord, I must laugh.
Have at you with a proverb: -`Shall I set in my staff?'
Luce Have at you with another, that's -`When? Can you tell?'
Dromio
of Syracuse If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou hast answered him well.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Do you hear, you minion, you'll let us in I trow?
Luce I thought to have asked you.
Dromio
of Syracuse And you said no.
Dromio
of Ephesus So come, help. Well struck! There was blow for blow.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Thou baggage, let me in.
Luce Can you tell for whose sake?
Dromio
of Ephesus Master, knock the door hard.
Luce Let him knock till it ache.
Antipholus
of Ephesus You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
Luce What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
Enter ADRIANA, within.
Adriana Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
Dromio
of Syracuse By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Are you there, wife? You might have come before.
Adriana Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
Dromio
of Ephesus If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
Angelo Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either.
Balthasar In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
Dromio
of Ephesus They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.
Antipholus
of Ephesus There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
Dromio
of Ephesus You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold:
It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Go fetch me something. I'll break ope the gate.
Dromio
of Syracuse Break any breaking here, and I'll break your knave's pate.
Dromio
of Ephesus A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind;
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
Dromio
of Syracuse It seems thou want'st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
Dromio
of Ephesus Here's too much `Out upon thee'. I pray thee let me in.
Dromio
of Syracuse Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Well, I'll break in. Go, borrow me a crow.
Dromio
of Ephesus A crow without feather; master, mean you so?
For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather;
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
Balthasar Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so!
Herein you war against your reputation,
And draw within the compass of suspect
Th' unviolated honour of your wife.
Once this -your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be ruled by me, depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
And about evening come yourself alone
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it,
And that supposed by the common rout
Against your yet ungalled estimation,
That may with foul intrusion enter in
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
For slander lives upon succession,
For e'er housed where it gets possession.
Antipholus
of Ephesus You have prevailed; I will depart in quiet,
And in despite of mirth mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty, wild, and yet, too, gentle;
There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
My wife -but, I protest, without desert -
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal.
To her will we to dinner. [To ANGELO.] Get you home
And fetch the chain: by this I know 'tis made.
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,
For there's the house. That chain will I bestow,
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife,
Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.
Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
Angelo I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Do so; this jest shall cost me some expense.
[Exeunt.
+ + + + + +
Scene 2. Before `The Phoenix'.
Enter LUCIANA with ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
Luciana And may it be that you have quite forgot
A husband's office? Shall, Antipholus,
Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot?
Shall love in building grow so ruinous?
If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness;
Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth,
Muffle your false love with some show of blindness.
Let not my sister read it in your eye;
Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator:
Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty.
Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger,
Bear a fair presence though your heart be tainted,
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint,
Be secret false. What need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
'Tis double wrong to truant with your bed
And let her read it in thy looks at board.
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word.
Alas, poor women, make us but believe -
Being compact of credit -that you love us;
Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
We in your motion turn, and you may move us.
Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife.
'Tis holy sport to be a little vain
When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Sweet mistress, what your name is else I know not,
Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine.
Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.
Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
Lay open to my earthy gross conceit,
Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
The folded meaning of your words' deceit.
Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
To make it wander in an unknown field?
Are you a god? -Would you create me new?
Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
But if that I am I, then well I know
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Nor to her bed no homage do I owe;
Far more, far more to you do I decline.
O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note
To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears;
Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote;
Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie,
And in that glorious supposition think
He gains by death that hath such means to die.
Let love, being light, be drowned if she sink.
Luciana What, are you mad that you do reason so?
Antipholus
of Syracuse Not mad, but mated -how, I do not know.
Luciana It is a fault that springeth from your eye.
Antipholus
of Syracuse For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.
Luciana Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.
Antipholus
of Syracuse As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.
Luciana Why call you me love? Call my sister so.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Thy sister's sister.
Luciana That's my sister.
Antipholus
of Syracuse No,
It is thyself, mine own self's better part,
Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart,
My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope's aim,
My sole earth's heaven, and my heaven's claim.
Luciana All this my sister is, or else should be.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee.
Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life:
Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife;
Give me thy hand.
Luciana O, soft, sir, hold you still;
I'll fetch my sister to get her good will.
[Exit.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Why, how now Dromio, where runn'st thou so fast?
Dromio
of Syracuse Do you know me sir? Am I Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself?
Antipholus
of Syracuse Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.
Dromio
of Syracuse I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides myself.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What woman's man? And how besides thyself?
Dromio
of Syracuse Marry, sir, besides myself I am due to a woman: one that claims
me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What claim lays she to thee?
Dromio
of Syracuse Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and she
would have me as a beast -not that, I being a beast, she would have me, but
that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What is she?
Dromio
of Syracuse A very reverend body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak of
without he say `sir-reverence'. I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is
she a wondrous fat marriage.
Antipholus
of Syracuse How dost thou mean, a fat marriage?
Dromio
of Syracuse Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench, and all grease; and I know
not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her
own light. I warrant her rags and the tallow in them will burn a Poland
winter; if she lives till doomsday she'll burn a week longer than the whole
world.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What complexion is she of?
Dromio
of Syracuse Swart like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept;
for why? -she sweats a man may go over shoes in the grime of it.
Antipholus
of Syracuse That's a fault that water will mend.
Dromio
of Syracuse No sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What's her name?
Dromio
of Syracuse Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters -that's an ell and
three quarters -will not measure her from hip to hip.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Then she bears some breadth?
Dromio
of Syracuse No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip; she is
spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.
Antipholus
of Syracuse In what part of her body stands Ireland?
Dromio
of Syracuse Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I found it out by the bogs.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Where Scotland?
Dromio
of Syracuse I found it by the barrenness, hard in the palm of the hand.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Where France?
Dromio
of Syracuse In her forehead, armed and reverted, making war against her heir.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Where England?
Dromio
of Syracuse I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness
in them. But I guess it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between
France and it.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Where Spain?
Dromio
of Syracuse Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in her breath.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Where America, the Indies?
Dromio
of Syracuse O, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellished with rubies,
carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain,
who sent whole armadoes of carracks to be ballast at her nose.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
Dromio
of Syracuse O, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge or
diviner laid claim to me, called me Dromio, swore I was assured to her, told
me what I privy marks I had about me, as the mark of my shoulder, the mole in
my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a witch.
And I think if my breast had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel,
She had transformed me to a curtal dog, and made me turn i'th' wheel.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Go, hie thee presently; post to the road.
An if the wind blow any way from shore
I will not harbour in this town tonight.
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
Where I will walk till thou return to me.
If everyone knows us and we know none,
'Tis time I think to trudge, pack, and be gone.
Dromio
of Syracuse As from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife.
[Exit.
Antipholus
of Syracuse There's none but witches do inhabit here,
And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
She that doth call me husband, even my soul
Doth for a wife abhor; but her fair sister,
Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace,
Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me traitor to myself.
But lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.
Enter ANGELO, with the chain.
Angelo Master Antipholus.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Ay, that's my name.
Angelo I know it well, sir. Lo, here's the chain.
I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine;
The chain unfinished made me stay thus long.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What is your will that I shall do with this?
Angelo What please yourself, sir; I have made it for you.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.
Angelo Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
Go home with it, and please your wife withal,
And soon at suppertime I'll visit you,
And then receive my money for the chain.
Antipholus
of Syracuse I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.
Angelo You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well.
[Exit.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What I should think of this I cannot tell;
But this I think: there's no man is so vain
That would refuse so fair an offered chain.
I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay;
If any ship put out, then straight away.
[Exit.
+++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++
ACT 4. Scene 1. The Mart.
Enter 2nd MERCHANT, ANGELO the goldsmith, and an OFFICER.
2nd Merchant You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importuned you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage.
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I'll attach you by this officer.
Angelo Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
He had of me a chain; at five o'clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thank you too.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and DROMIO OF EPHESUS, from the Courtesan's.
Officer That labour may you save; see where he comes.
Antipholus
of Ephesus While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But soft, I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.
Dromio
of Ephesus I buy a thousand pound a year, I buy a rope.
[Exit.
Antipholus
of Ephesus A man is well holp up that trusts to you!
I promised your presence and the chain,
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long
If it were chained together, and therefore came not.
Angelo Saving your merry humour, here's the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman.
I pray you see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I am not furnished with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signor, take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
Angelo Then you will bring the chain to her yourself.
Antipholus
of Ephesus No, bear it with you lest I come not time enough.
Angelo Well sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
Antipholus
of Ephesus An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.
Angelo Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain.
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, too blame, have held him here too long.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But like a shrew you first begin to brawl.
2nd Merchant The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
Angelo You hear how he importunes me. -The chain!
Antipholus
of Ephesus Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.
Angelo Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain or send me by some token.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Fie, now you run this humour out of breath!
Come, where's the chain? I pray you let me see it.
2nd Merchant My business cannot brook this dalliance.
Good sir, say whe'er you'll answer me or no;
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I answer you? What should I answer you?
Angelo The money that you owe me for the chain.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I owe you none till I receive the chain.
Angelo You know I gave it you half an hour since.
Antipholus
of Ephesus You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.
Angelo You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.
Consider how it stands upon my credit.
2nd Merchant Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
Officer I do,
And charge you in the duke's name to obey me.
Angelo This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Consent to pay thee that I never had?
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st.
Angelo Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer.
I would not spare my brother in this case
If he should scorn me so apparently.
Officer I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
Angelo Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, from the bay.
Dromio
of Syracuse Master, there's a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim, the merry wind
Blows fair from land; they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
Antipholus
of Ephesus How now, a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
Dromio
of Syracuse A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope,
And told thee to what purpose and what end.
Dromio
of Syracuse You sent me for a rope's end as soon.
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I will debate this matter at more leisure,
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight;
Give her this key, and tell her in the desk
That's covered o'er with Turkish tapestry
There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it.
Tell her I am arrested in the street,
And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave, be gone!
On, officer, to prison till it come.
[Exeunt all but DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
Dromio
of Syracuse To Adriana! -that is where we dined,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will;
For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.
[Exit.
+ + + + + +
Scene 2. Before `The Phoenix'.
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
Adriana Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What observation mad'st thou in this case,
Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?
Luciana First he denied you had in him no right.
Adriana He meant he did me none, the more my spite.
Luciana Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
Adriana And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
Luciana Then pleaded I for you.
Adriana And what said he?
Luciana That love I begged for you, he begged of me.
Adriana With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
Luciana With words that in an honest suit might move.
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
Adriana Didst speak him fair?
Luciana Have patience, I beseech.
Adriana I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere,
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Luciana Who would be jealous, then, of such a one?
No evil lost is wailed when it is gone.
Adriana Ah, but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
Dromio
of Syracuse Here, go -the desk, the purse; sweat now, make haste.
Luciana How hast thou lost thy breath?
Dromio
of Syracuse By running fast.
Adriana Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?
Dromio
of Syracuse No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,
One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel;
A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough,
A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands;
A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot well,
One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to hell.
Adriana Why, man, what is the matter?
Dromio
of Syracuse I do not know the matter; he is 'rested on the case.
Adriana What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit?
Dromio
of Syracuse I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
But is in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.
Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?
Adriana Go fetch it, sister.
[Exit LUCIANA.
This I wonder at,
That he unknown to me should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
Dromio
of Syracuse Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:
A chain, a chain. -Do you not hear it ring?
Adriana What, the chain?
Dromio
of Syracuse No, no, the bell; 'tis time that I were gone;
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.
Adriana The hours come back! -that did I never hear.
Dromio
of Syracuse O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back for very fear.
Adriana As if time were in debt -how fondly dost thou reason!
Dromio
of Syracuse Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's worth to season.
Nay, he's a thief too: -have you not heard men say
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If a' be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
Re-enter LUCIANA, with the money.
Adriana Go, Dromio, there's the money. Bear it straight,
And bring thy master home immediately.
Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit -
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
[Exeunt.
+ + + + + +
Scene 3. Before `The Porpentine'.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
Antipholus
of Syracuse There's not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend,
And everyone doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me, some invite me,
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses,
Some offer me commodities to buy;
Even now a tailor called me in his shop
And showed me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
Dromio
of Syracuse Master, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the
picture of old Adam new-apparelled?
Antipholus
of Syracuse What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?
Dromio
of Syracuse Not that Adam that kept the paradise, but that Adam that keeps
the prison. He that goes in the calf's-skin that was killed for the prodigal;
he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your
liberty.
Antipholus
of Syracuse I understand thee not.
Dromio
of Syracuse No? Why, 'tis a plain case. -He that went like a bass viol in a
case of leather; the man, sir, that when gentlemen are tired gives them a sob,
and rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits
of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a
morris-pike.
Antipholus
of Syracuse What, thou mean'st an officer?
Dromio
of Syracuse Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; he that brings any man to
answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and
says `God give you good rest'.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ships puts
forth tonight? May we be gone?
Dromio
of Syracuse Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark
`Expedition' put forth tonight, and then were you hindered by the sergeant to
tarry for the hoy `Delay'. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.
Antipholus
of Syracuse The fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in illusions.
Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
Enter a COURTESAN.
Courtesan Well met, well met, master Antipholus.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
Is that the chain you promised me today?
Antipholus
of Syracuse Satan avoid! I charge thee tempt me not.
Dromio
of Syracuse Master, is this mistress Satan?
Antipholus
of Syracuse It is the devil.
Dromio
of Syracuse Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam, and here she comes
in the habit of a light wench; and thereof comes that the wenches say `God
damn me' -that's as much as to say `God make me a light wench'. It is written
they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire
will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
Courtesan Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here.
Dromio
of Syracuse Master, if you do, expect spoonmeat, or bespeak a long spoon.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Why, Dromio?
Dromio
of Syracuse Marry, he must have along spoon that must eat with the devil.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Avoid then, fiend! What tell'st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress.
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
Courtesan Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or for my diamond the chain you promised,
And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
Dromio
of Syracuse Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,
A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
A nut, a cherry-stone;
But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
Master, be wise; an if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it.
Courtesan I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain.
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so?
Antipholus
of Syracuse Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.
Dromio
of Syracuse `Fly pride' says the peacock. Mistress, that you know.
[Exeunt ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO.
Courtesan Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promised me a chain;
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Is a mad tale he told today at dinner
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rushed into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
For forty ducats is too much to lose.
[Exit.
+ + + + + +
Scene 4. The Mart.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS with the OFFICER.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Fear me not, man, I will not break away.
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money
To warrant thee as I am 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood today,
And will not lightly trust the messenger
That I should be attached in Ephesus.
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.
Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS, with a rope's end.
Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir, have you that I sent you for?
Dromio
of Ephesus Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
Antipholus
of Ephesus But where's the money?
Dromio
of Ephesus Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
Dromio
of Ephesus I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
Antipholus
of Ephesus To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
Dromio
of Ephesus To a rope's end, sir, and to that end am I returned.
Antipholus
of Ephesus And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
[Beats DROMIO.
Officer Good sir, be patient.
Dromio
of Ephesus Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.
Officer Good now, hold thy tongue.
Dromio
of Ephesus Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Thou whoreson, senseless villain!
Dromio
of Ephesus I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.
Dromio
of Ephesus I am an ass indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have
served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at
his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating;
when I am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked with it when I sleep,
raised with it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I go from home,
welcomed home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
beggar wont her brat; and I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it
from door to door.
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, COURTESAN, and a schoolmaster called PINCH.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.
Dromio
of Ephesus Mistress, respice finem -`respect your end'; or rather, to
prophesy like the parrot, `beware the rope's end'.
Antipholus
of Ephesus [Beating DROMIO.] Wilt thou still talk?
Courtesan How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
Adriana His incivility confirms no less.
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.
Luciana Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
Courtesan Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
Pinch Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
Antipholus
of Ephesus There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
[Strikes PINCH.
Pinch I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.
Adriana O that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!
Antipholus
of Ephesus You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house today,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house?
Adriana O husband, God doth know you dined at home,
Where would you had remained until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Dined at home! [To DROMIO.] Thou villain, what sayst thou?
Dromio
of Ephesus Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Were not my doors locked up, and I shut out.
Dromio
of Ephesus Perdy, your doors were locked, and you shut out.
Antipholus
of Ephesus And did she not herself revile me there?
Dromio
of Ephesus Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
Dromio
of Ephesus Certes she did; the kitchen-vestal scorned you.
Antipholus
of Ephesus And did not I in rage depart from thence?
Dromio
of Ephesus In verity you did; my bones bears witness,
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
Adriana Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?
Pinch It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein,
And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me.
Adriana Alas, I sent you money to redeem you
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
Dromio
of Ephesus Money by me! Heart and good will you might,
But surely, master, not a rag of money.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
Adriana He came to me, and I delivered it.
Luciana And I am witness with her that she did.
Dromio
of Ephesus God and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
Pinch Mistress, both man and master is possessed;
I know it by their pale and deadly looks.
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
Antipholus
of Ephesus [To ADRIANA.] Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today.
[To DROMIO.] And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
Adriana I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
Dromio
of Ephesus And, gentle master, I received no gold.
But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.
Adriana Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me;
But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.
Adriana O bind him, bind him, let him not come near me!
Enter THREE or FOUR and offer to bind him. He strives.
Pinch More company! The fiend is strong within him.
Luciana Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks.
Antipholus
of Ephesus What, will you murder me? Thou, gaoler, thou,
I am thy prisoner; wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?
Officer Masters, let him go.
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
Pinch Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.
[DROMIO OF EPHESUS is bound.
Adriana What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
Officer He is my prisoner; if I let him go,
The debt he owes will be required of me.
Adriana I will discharge thee ere I go from thee.
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good master doctor, see him safe conveyed
Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
Antipholus
of Ephesus O most unhappy strumpet!
Dromio
of Ephesus Master, I am here entered in bond for you.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me?
Dromio
of Ephesus Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good master; cry `the
devil!'
Luciana God help! Poor souls, how idly do they talk!
Adriana Go, bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.
[Exeunt PINCH and his ASSISTANTS carrying off ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO.
Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
Officer One Angelo, a goldsmith; do you know him?
Adriana I know the man. What is the sum he owes?
Officer Two hundred ducats.
Adriana Say how grows it due?
Officer Due for a chain your husband had of him.
Adriana He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
Courtesan Whenas your husband all in rage today
Came to my house and took away my ring -
The ring I saw upon his finger now -
Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
Adriana It may be so, but I did never see it.
Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is;
I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, with their rapiers drawn.
Luciana God for thy mercy, they are loose again!
Adriana And come with naked swords! Let's call more help
To have them bound again.
Officer Away, they'll kill us!
[Run all out as fast as may be, frighted.
Antipholus
of Syracuse I see these witches are afraid of swords.
Dromio
of Syracuse She that would be your wife now ran from you.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence.
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
Dromio
of Syracuse Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us no harm;
you saw they speak us fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle
nation that but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I
could find in my heart to stay here still, and turn witch.
Antipholus
of Syracuse I will not stay tonight for all the town;
Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
[Exeunt.
+++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++
ACT 5. Scene 1. Before `The Priory'.
Enter 2nd MERCHANT and ANGELO the goldsmith.
Angelo I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you,
But I protest he had the chain of me,
Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
2nd Merchant How is the man esteemed here in the city?
Angelo Of very reverend reputation, sir,
Of credit infinite, highly beloved,
Second to none that lives here in the city.
His word might bear my wealth at any time.
2nd Merchant Speak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE again.
Angelo 'Tis so; and that self chain about his neck
Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
Good sir, draw near to me; I'll speak to him.
Signor Antipholus, I wonder much
That you would put me to this shame and trouble,
And not without some scandal to yourself,
With circumstance and oaths so to deny
This chain, which now you wear so openly.
Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
Who, but for staying on our controversy,
Had hoisted sail and put to sea today.
This chain you had of me; can you deny it?
Antipholus
of Syracuse I think I had; I never did deny it.
Angelo Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?
2nd Merchant These ears of mine thou know'st did hear thee.
Fie on thee, wretch! 'Tis pity that thou liv'st
To walk where any honest men resort.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Thou art a villain to impeach me thus.
I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty
Against thee presently, if thou dar'st stand.
2nd Merchant I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.
[They draw.
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, COURTESAN, and OTHERS.
Adriana Hold, hurt him not for God's sake; he is mad.
Some get within him, take his sword away.
Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.
Dromio
of Syracuse Run master, run! For God's sake take a house!
This is some priory; in, or we are spoiled.
[Exeunt ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO to the priory.
Enter Emilia, the Lady ABBESS.
Abbess Be quiet, people! Wherefore throng you hither?
Adriana To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
Let us come in, that we may bind him fast
And bear him home for his recovery.
Angelo I knew he was not in his perfect wits.
2nd Merchant I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
Abbess How long hath this possession held the man?
Adriana This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,
And much much different from the man he was;
But till this afternoon his passion
Ne'er brake into extremity of rage.
Abbess Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea?
Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
Strayed his affection in unlawful love,
A sin prevailing much in youthful men,
Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing?
Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
Adriana To none of these, except it be the last;
Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
Abbess You should for that have reprehended him.
Adriana Why, so I did.
Abbess Ay, but not rough enough.
Adriana As roughly as my modesty would let me.
Abbess Haply in private.
Adriana And in assemblies too.
Abbess Ay, but not enough.
Adriana It was the copy of our conference.
In bed, he slept not for my urging it,
At board, he fed not for my urging it,
Alone, it was the subject of my theme,
In company I often glanced at it;
Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
Abbess And thereof came it that the man was mad.
The venom clamours of a jealous woman
Poisons more deadly than a mad dog's tooth.
It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing,
And thereof comes it that his head is light.
Thou sayst his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings:
Unquiet meals make ill digestions;
Thereof the raging fire of fever bred -
And what's a fever but a fit of madness?
Thou sayst his sports were hindered by thy brawls:
Sweet recreation barred, what doth ensue
But moody and dull melancholy,
Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
And at her heels a huge infectious troop
Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest,
To be disturbed would mad or man or beast.
The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits
Hath scared thy husband from the use of wits.
Luciana She never reprehended him but mildly,
When he demeaned himself rough, rude, and wildly.
Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?
Adriana She did betray me to mine own reproof.
Good people, enter and lay hold on him.
Abbess No, not a creature enters in my house.
Adriana Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
Abbess Neither; he took this place for sanctuary,
And it shall privilege him from your hands
Till I have brought him to his wits again,
Or lose my labour in assaying it.
Adriana I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
Diet his sickness, for it is my office,
And will have no attorney but myself;
And therefore let me have him home with me.
Abbess Be patient, for I will not let him stir
Till I have used the approved means I have,
With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers,
To make of him a formal man again.
It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
A charitable duty of my order.
Therefore depart, and leave him here with me.
Adriana I will not hence and leave my husband here;
And ill it doth beseem your holiness
To separate the husband and the wife.
Abbess Be quiet, and depart; thou shalt not have him.
[Exit.
Luciana Complain unto the duke of this indignity.
Adriana Come, go; I will fall prostrate at his feet,
And never rise until my tears and prayers
Have won his grace to come in person hither
And take perforce my husband from the abbess.
2nd Merchant By this I think the dial points at five.
Anon, I'm sure, the duke himself in person
Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
The place of death and sorry execution
Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
Angelo Upon what cause?
2nd Merchant To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
Who put unluckily into this bay
Against the laws and statutes of this town,
Beheaded publicly for his offence.
Angelo See where they come; we will behold his death.
Luciana Kneel to the duke before he pass the abbey.
Enter the DUKE of Ephesus, and EGEON the Merchant of Syracuse, barehead, with
the HEADSMAN and other OFFICERS.
Duke Yet once again proclaim it publicly,
If any friend will pay the sum for him,
He shall not die; so much we tender him.
Adriana Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess.
Duke She is a virtuous and a reverend lady;
It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
Adriana May it please your grace, Antipholus my husband,
Who I made lord of me and all I had
At your important letters, this ill day
A most outrageous fit of madness took him,
That desp'rately he hurried through the street,
With him his bondman, all as mad as he,
Doing displeasure to the citizens
By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like.
Once did I get him bound, and sent him home,
Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,
That here and there his fury had committed.
Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
He broke from those that had the guard of him,
And with his mad attendant and himself,
Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords
Met us again, and, madly bent on us,
Chased us away; till, raising of more aid,
We came again to bind them. Then they fled
Into this abbey, whither we pursued them,
And here the abbess shuts the gates on us
And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
Let him be brought forth, and borne hence for help.
Duke Long since, thy husband served me in my wars,
And I to thee engaged a prince's word
When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
To do him all the grace and good I could.
Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate,
And bid the lady abbess come to me.
I will determine this before I stir.
Enter a MESSENGER.
Messenger O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself!
My master and his man are both broke loose,
Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor,
Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire,
And ever as it blazed they threw on him
Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair.
My master preaches patience to him, and the while
His man with scissors nicks him like a fool;
And sure, unless you send some present help,
Between them they will kill the conjurer.
Adriana Peace, fool! Thy master and his man are here,
And that is false thou dost report to us.
Messenger Mistress, upon my life I tell you true;
I have not breathed almost since I did see it.
He cries for you, and vows if he can take you
To scorch your face and to disfigure you.
[Cry within.
Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress! Fly, be gone!
Duke Come, stand by me, fear nothing. Guard with halberds!
Adriana Ay me, it is my husband. Witness you
That he is borne about invisible;
Even now we housed him in the abbey here,
And now he's there, past thought of human reason.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Justice, most gracious duke! O, grant me justice,
Even for the service that long since I did thee
When I bestrid thee in the wars, and took
Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
Egeon Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,
I see my son Antipholus, and Dromio.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there,
She whom thou gav'st to me to be my wife,
That hath abused and dishonoured me,
Even in the strength and height of injury.
Beyond imagination is the wrong
That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
Duke Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
Antipholus
of Ephesus This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me
While she with harlots feasted in my house.
Duke A grievous fault. Say, woman, didst thou so?
Adriana No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister,
Today did dine together. So befall my soul
As this is false he burdens me withal.
Luciana Ne'er may I look on day nor sleep on night
But she tells to your highness simple truth.
Angelo [Aside.] O perjured woman! They are both forsworn;
In this the madman justly chargeth them.
Antipholus
of Ephesus My liege, I am advised what I say,
Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
Nor heady-rash provoked with raging ire,
Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
This woman locked me out this day from dinner;
That goldsmith there, were he not packed with her,
Could witness it, for he was with me then,
Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
Where Balthasar and I did dine together.
Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
I went to seek him. In the street I met him,
And in his company that gentleman.
There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
That I this day of him received the chain,
Which, God he knows, I saw not; for the which
He did arrest me with an officer.
I did obey, and sent my peasant home
For certain ducats; he with none returned.
Then fairly I bespoke the officer
To go in person with me to my house.
By th' way we met
My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
Of vile confederates; along with them
They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain,
A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
A threadbare juggler and a fortune-teller,
A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,
A living dead man. This pernicious slave,
Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
And with no face, as 'twere, outfacing me,
Cries out I was possessed. Then all together
They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,
And in a dark and dankish vault at home
There left me and my man, both bound together;
Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
I gained my freedom, and immediately
Ran hither to your grace, whom I beseech
To give me ample satisfaction
For these deep shames and great indignities.
Angelo My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him:
That he dined not at home, but was locked out.
Duke But had he such a chain of thee, or no?
Angelo He had, my lord, and when he ran in here
These people saw the chain about his neck.
2nd Merchant Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
Heard you confess you had the chain of him
After you first forswore it on the mart,
And thereupon I drew my sword on you;
And then you fled into this abbey here,
From whence I think you are come by miracle.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I never came within these abbey walls,
Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me.
I never saw the chain, so help me heaven;
And this is false you burden me withal.
Duke Why, what an intricate impeach is this!
I think you all have drunk of Circe's cup.
If here you housed him, here he would have been;
If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly.
[To ADRIANA.] You say he dined at home; the goldsmith here
Denies that saying. [To DROMIO.] Sirrah, what say you?
Dromio
of Ephesus Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.
Courtesan He did, and from my finger snatched that ring.
Antipholus
of Ephesus 'Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.
Duke Saw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?
Courtesan As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.
Duke Why, this is strange. Go, call the abbess hither.
I think you are all mated, or stark mad.
[Exit ONE to the Abbess.
Egeon Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word;
Haply I see a friend will save my life
And pay the sum that may deliver me.
Duke Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
Egeon Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus?
And is not that your bondman Dromio?
Dromio
of Ephesus Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,
But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords.
Now I am Dromio, and his man unbound.
Egeon I am sure you both of you remember me.
Dromio
of Ephesus Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you.
For lately we were bound as you are now.
You are not Pinch's patient are you, sir?
Egeon Why look you strange on me? -you know me well.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I never saw you in my life till now.
Egeon O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,
And careful hours with time's deformed hand
Have written strange defeatures in my face.
But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
Antipholus
of Ephesus Neither.
Egeon Dromio, nor thou?
Dromio
of Ephesus No, trust me, sir, nor I.
Egeon I am sure thou dost?
Dromio
of Ephesus Ay sir, but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever a man denies, you
are now bound to believe him.
Egeon Not know my voice? O time's extremity,
Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue
In seven short years that here my only son
Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?
Though now this grained face of mine be hid
In sap-consuming winter's drizzled snow,
And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
Yet hath my night of life some memory,
My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
My dull deaf ears a little use to hear:
All these old witnesses, I cannot err,
Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I never saw my father in my life.
Egeon But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
Thou know'st we parted; but perhaps, my son,
Thou sham'st to acknowledge me in misery.
Antipholus
of Ephesus The duke and all that know me in the city
Can witness with me that it is not so.
I ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.
Duke I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years
Have I been patron to Antipholus,
During which time he ne'er saw Syracusa.
I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
Enter Emilia the ABBESS, with ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
Abbess Most mighty duke, behold a man much wronged.
[All gather to see them.
Adriana I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
Duke One of these men is genius to the other;
And so of these. Which is the natural man,
And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?
Dromio
of Syracuse I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.
Dromio
of Ephesus I, sir, am Dromio; pray let me stay.
Antipholus
of Syracuse Egeon art thou not? -or else his ghost.
Dromio
of Syracuse O, my old master! Who hath bound him here?
Abbess Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds,
And gain a husband by his liberty.
Speak, old Egeon, if thou be'st the man
That hadst a wife once called Emilia
That bore thee at a burden two fair sons.
O, if thou be'st the same Egeon, speak,
And speak unto the same Emilia!
Duke Why, here begins his morning story right:
These two Antipholus', these two so like,
And these two Dromios, one in semblance -
Besides his urging of her wrack at sea.
These are the parents to these children,
Which accidentally are met together.
Egeon If I dream not, thou art Emilia.
If thou art she, tell me, where is that son
That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
Abbess By men of Epidamnum he and I
And the twin Dromio all were taken up;
But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth
By force took Dromio and my son from them,
And me they left with those of Epidamnum.
What then became of them I cannot tell;
I, to this fortune that you see me in.
Duke Antipholus, thou cam'st from Corinth first.
Antipholus
of Syracuse No, sir, not I; I came from Syracuse.
Duke Stay, stand apart; I know not which is which.
Antipholus
of Ephesus I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.
Dromio
of Ephesus And I with him.
Antipholus
of Ephesus Brought to this town by that most famous warrior
Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.
Adriana Which of you two did dine with me today?
Antipholus
of Syracuse I, gentle mistress.
Adriana And are you not my husband?
Antipholus
of Ephesus No, I say nay to that.
Antipholus
of Syracuse And so do I. Yet did she call me so,
And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
Did call me brother. [To LUCIANA.] What I told you then
I hope I shall have leisure to make good,
If this be not a dream I see and hear.
Angelo That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
Antipholus
of Syracuse I think it be, sir; I deny it not.
Antipholus
of Ephesus And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
Angelo I think I did, sir; I deny it not.
Adriana I sent you money, sir, to be your bail
By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.
Dromio
of Ephesus No, none by me.
Antipholus
of Syracuse This purse of ducats I received from you,
And Dromio my man did bring them me.
I see we still did meet each other's man,
And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors are arose.
Antipholus
of Ephesus These ducats pawn I for my father here.
Duke It shall not need; thy father hath his life.
Courtesan Sir, I must have that diamond from you.
Antipholus
of Ephesus There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer.
Abbess Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
To go with us into the abbey here,
And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes;
And all that are assembled in this place,
That by this sympathized one day's error
Have suffered wrong, go keep us company,
And we shall make full satisfaction.
Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
Of you, my sons, and till this present hour
My heavy burden ne'er delivered.
The duke, my husband, and my children both,
And you the calendars of their nativity,
Go to a gossips' feast, and joy with me.
After so long grief, such festivity!
Duke With all my heart I'll gossip at this feast.
[Exeunt all but the two DROMIOS and the two brothers ANTIPHOLUS.
Dromio
of Syracuse Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
Antipholus
of Ephesus Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked?
Dromio
of Syracuse Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
Antipholus
of Syracuse He speaks to me. I am your master, Dromio.
Come, go with us; we'll look to that anon.
Embrace thy brother there, rejoice with him.
[Exeunt the brothers ANTIPHOLUS.
Dromio
of Syracuse There is a fat friend at your master's house,
That kitchened me for you today at dinner.
She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
Dromio
of Ephesus Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother:
I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
Dromio
of Syracuse Not I, sir; you are my elder.
Dromio
of Ephesus That's a question! How shall we try it?
Dromio
of Syracuse We'll draw cuts for the senior; till then, lead thou first.
Dromio
of Ephesus Nay then, thus:
We came into the world like brother and brother,
And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.
[Exeunt.